I caught the wind with my bare hands, hopeful I won’t let go of it this time. Everybody seemed to have gotten the 60’s tune. Maybe she taught it was a race brother, yup! once you cross the finish line He’ll give you a prize. I never intended for it to be funny but I thought of it as a pun. She will get the biggest prize of all! another LIfe, another lifeform perhaps to her mother, her father and you my companion. They never intended for you to be that way, but then again you’ll never catch a hundred mile per hour curve-ball, wait, can you? You just dock and run away, far away. “Strawberry swing” had a different twang last night, maybe it’s the stories, maybe it’s the catching up or maybe it was just me. You still have time… all we have is time. Go on, move. Alright! Thank you for the cheap thrills and spills, I thought it would be Ice but I need to sleep, give the other 5 minutes, give me more, give me 30. Nice. After that it should be never the Same old. same old.

Tao tayo brad, oo tao ka din. Minsan na dudulas, kadalasan nadadapa. Pero lagi tayong may pagkakataon na tumayo. Pwedeng bukas, pwedeng sa makalawa o pwedeng sa iyong huling hininga. Ang problema ay parte, hindi siya ang buo. Parang plakang sira tao nga tayo e. Nagsisisi na ako, pero okay lang. Wala namang magsama kung magtry, buksan ang isipan. Dito natin makikita ang mga bagay na nakita ng pinakamababangis na mga tao. Sipatin mo brad, natatawa na siya, hindi mo lang alam, dapat bumanat ka na kasi ang oras ay ang electric fan mo sa summer, at ang pagkakataon ay ang tawa mo sa taglamig. Kailangan mong mawalan ng pakialam para maging magaling. Kailangan mo Siya at sila. Kailangan mong iwanan ang ibang bagay at palitan ang alala. Gawa ka ng bago, balikan mo na lang habang nagyoyosi sa tapat ng bahay mo habang nagrorocking chair sa gabi, itawa mo yan. Masarap mawala, pero mas masarap mahanap. Tumatanda tayo e, oo nga pala tao tayo e.

The bus is moving, it will get you to your place. You left the earphones. It’s been like this for 4 eternities. You can get through this I promise. Judgement is elusive. Its a process, it’s okay to make mistakes. Leave the void you have been living in for the past 2 years. Road trips with no footwear, talk to Him. That’s all you get for chasing after the years you have taken for granted, it’s a practice. You have been sleeping in class with pure visuals but no sight, dreaming.

We may never recapture the moment and it’s impossible to memorize the lines but we can always imitate the hyena. You’re near the end but you’re wasting time with non sense coordination artistry just because you want to prove something, you’re not dull, you’re just an idiot for trying and assuming “have never beens”. Longing for number 1 is alright, you’re just too frightened to be part of the same old story of number 2 and number 3 and the list goes on. It’s the inside that you want to change for the outside can take care of himself. Let it be, they’re just a part of this worldly thing called gift. I’m already in 19 east, 6 miles more and I’m home.

So It’s been a year, welcome to the club. It felt kind of nasty, the way it threw you to the ground and beat you to a pulp, freedom. We got a sense of improvement, it’s a start, get to a groove that’s next. It left with tears on it’s eyes and hands flailing for a goodbye, goodbye kid!. It will find you, you’ll miss them I mean. Don’t you worry it will get better, it has gotten a lot better every single day, well at least on paper it was meant that way. After hours and hours of wasting your time, It was a semester but It felt like a vacation and instead of a paradise you get the laboratory. After all this life is crazy, you get one chance at it, no worries you’ll get them next time I promise. I’ll throw the dice for a dream and throw a dream for reality. It makes sense if you listen to your voice. Maybe all you need is time, it’s a phase and like every other phases it will try to own you. After all God gave you all you need, It’s all right here; a slice of pizza, hot sauce, and an ice cold beer. 

Maybe we get to choose how we live, more often than not I believe. We wish to get another chance, but chances are expensive. Come on man, let it be. Let it slide, let the wind brush your face once again. Maybe its meant to be this way, let it go brother, Maybe its a metaphor for something deeper. I guess all metaphors are deep. Maybe the situation is not the toughest thing, maybe its “The getting back up on your feet before the 10 second count and not giving up, to see what happens, after all the opponent is just leading by 15 punches” attitude that is hard to pocket. Nah, its not anybody’s fault. It’s yours, He gives you challenges just because He knows your up to it, maybe not today, but one day you’ll be sober again sweet child. Remember, the 50 point mark is not the ceiling, it’s not even above the 4 ft line you drew on the wall to measure your  progress when you were 11, it amounts to nothing, its just an invisible, imaginary line mediocre people abusively use everyday. 

You’re not afraid of dying anymore, just because you think there is nothing left to discover, pause for awhile child. Look. You’re still afraid of the things you fear, you have not yet sharpened your tools for The War on the other side, Count your principles, see. You’re nothing but a child still. Looking for that moment to feel alive again. Yeah. It’s still a possibility, but like chances, feelings are also expensive. Come, we have a revolution to start, maybe tomorrow, for we have mastered procrastination like a 6 year old yearning to be taught.

The fears, they’ll eat you whole without you realizing it. Just like the sarcasm they use to bring you down. We’re scared of the unknown. I hope it’s not just me. But let me just tell you that the person you’re talking to inside of you’re head is not helping even a little. You’re becoming the imaginary friend dude, you’re both incapable of doing actions anymore. You want to lay like that til December you said. Good luck bro. You want to die for just a week or two. Good luck bro. You mastered procrastination as if it is walking, wait.. you have not yet mastered walking, You walk like a sick,divorced, drunk, haven’t eaten in 10 months 4 and a 1/2 day homeless guy. They may try to tell you what to do. You have what it takes, I guess you just have to dig deeper. Thoughts are the “keys”, But action is “Turning the knob and pushing the door”.

Hayuuuup. Di mo mahanap yung ballpen mo sa bag, pero alam mong nandun yon. Exam niyo pa.

Chill lang tayo brader. Hindi mo naman kasalanan. Kasalanan nanaman ng mundo. Kawawa naman yung mundo. Lagi mong sinisisi. Pucha pre malungkutin ka pala, hindi mo alam? Kahit ” You only Live once” ang motto mo. ahhhhh gets, Kaya rin pala halos araw araw kayo nagsesessions. Tao tayo e. Nagkakamali, kadalasan nago-o-overthinking, di nag-aaral, tamad at gago. Inisip mo nanaman yung inuman niyo nung isang araw, Saya niyo no? Bakit kaya hindi pwedeng laging ganun kasaya. Sabi nga ni Ted Mosby, “If all nights are Legendary, Then no nights are Legendary” Ano sa tingin mo?siguro nga no?

Hindi mo pa rin nahahanap ballpen mo hanggang ngayon. isip ka uli.

Ang hirap mabuhay, Gusto mo chill lang. Saktong pera, Sakto pang bayad ng bills. Saktong buhay. Mahirap yan tol. Walang kasiguraduhang buhay. E sabi mo naman, wala naman talagang kasiguraduhan ang buhay a. Di ka pursigido sa pagaaral. Kulang ka siguro sa inspirasyon. Baduy pero malay mo. O kaya naman hindi ka pa handa maging matanda?E kailan ka magiging handa? lahat naman ata tayo ayaw pa. Pero siguro, ganito ang buhay ata talaga? Parang yung prof mo. Parang gago magturo. Pahihirapan ka muna. Buhay talaga oo. Nagiisip ka nanaman ng kung ano-ano, kung ako sayo hinahanap mo na yung ballpen mo ungas.Nagsisimula na Exam niyo. yuuuuuuuun. Nahanap ko na ballpen ko!. pota wala ka pa palang yellowpad. Hanap na naman. Badtrip.

*(Natural sa ating mga tao ang maghanap ng mga kasagutan sa mundo, hanggang nabubuhay ata tayo, e hindi tayo mauubusan ng mga katanungan. kaya lang baka naman maiwan tayo. Tigil na natin ang overthinking mga chong. Kaya natin yan)

Parang kamakailan lang e grade 2 ka pa lang, ang tanging problema mo ay kung ano ang babaunin mong ulam para sa recess mo kinabukasan, at kung paano ka mapapansin ng crush mo. Ang saya tumakbo no? pero pag nadapa ka naman, iiyak ka. E loko loko ka pala e. Gasgas lang yon.Naalala mo yon?. Tsong, nagpapabili ka ng light saber, naalala mo yun?sabi sayo e maghintay ka raw, ilang buwan ka ring naghintay, de puta, nung nahawakan mo na yung laruan, shit!, ayan na, para kang baliw. Pinaghahampas mo ang mga halaman ni nanay, napagalitan ka tuloy, naalala mo yon?.Hari ka ng sala niyo, pag nandun ka, e ikaw ang nasusunod sa channel ng TV except pag nandiyan si kuya. Naalala mo yon?. tssssss!sa crush mo hanggang tingin ka lang naman. Kasi nga mahina ka magexpress ng sarili, kung ano ano nasasabi mo. Naalala mo yun? E nung naospital ka, naconfine ka, kasi weakling ka at mahina ka kumain, tapos sa ospital na yun may nakita kang batang babaeng kasing edad mo, yon! may bago ka nanamang crush. Naalala mo yon? Nung pinangarap mo naman na maging NBA player, pag hindi natupad e magiging ninja ka na lang, pag hindi pa rin e magiging Jedi knight ka. Naalala mo yon?. 

“Tumatanda na tayo, di maiiwasan. Kailangan mo lang gawing light. Tapos move forward. Kaya yan!.”

Yung iba gusto bumata, yung iba gusto tumanda, yung iba gusto mag time-first sa buhay, yung iba gusto kumain ng hopia, yung iba gusto magluto, yung iba gusto tumangkad, yung iba gusto makilala ang kanilang mamahalin panghabang buhay(napakabaduy), yung iba gusto magbasketball, yung iba gusto mag-aral(KONTI LANG SILA, WAG KA MAG-ALALA), yung iba gusto ng comportableng sofa, Yung iba gusto ng maraming pera(tssssss). Dami nating gusto, ako gusto lang matulog pero bawal, dahil dapat nag-aaral na ako imbis na sinusulat tong kalokohang to. Kahit matulog ay bawal na.

It’s getting you somewhere yet you’re going nowhere. It’s okay earthlings, Try to make ourselves feel alive again. We hope to find whats there to be found, Release the kracken or atleast show me your secrets EARTH!!. Yeah I’m talking to you. What is it that we are missing?. Enjoy new things, yeaaaaah baby!, maybe for a awhile. Well at least we tried. Maybe a Karate chop to the head of a stranger, then draw 93 laughs from it and own the moment. Was it the same?.Its getting tiring.Even though that was a good one. Truth is We’re not getting younger, Face it. We can never outrun time, atleast we tried right?. Maybe the only question we can’t engage in is………………..”Where do we start all over again from here?”. After that, Then we move along.